Friday, 19 April 2013

Watch Out, We Got A Badass Over Here

Sure, I might look like some small-time city gal, but ya know what?  Life's for livin' dangerously, and I know what it's like to live on the edge.

Why, just tonight The Boyfriend went out with his pals and I went crazeee, baby.
Got myself not one, but TWO lots of deep fried deliciousness - some veggie balls and a serve of confit duck spring rolls.  Got 'em from Ebi Fine Food down there on Essex Street.  Sure, they got the healthy stuff too, soba noodle salad, some real fresh fish, but tonight... I'm dangerous.
I even got the "strange but good jap icy pole" which I ain't seen before.  In this cold weather!
No clue about the contents - could be green tea and grape Jell-o for all I know.

Now, here's the kicker; I sat down in front of the teevee, then ate it all with my bare hands.  Like a savage.

Image from Sentient Machinery

That ain't the only thing I done.  The list of crimes is long and deep.  The kitchen police are gonna bust down my oven door and burn me in the crusts.

There's a place for me in Hell's Kitchen somewhere...

List of Charges - Pleading Guilty To The Following:

Froze egg whites in a container which used to hold full-fat coconut cream... and it's not even labelled.

Dipped cocktail-party prawns into some anonymous red sauce... without asking what it was first.

Ate at a restaurant down an alleyway because the sign looked interesting... didn't use smartphone to find a review.

Put thawed pastizzis in the oven which had been sitting on the bench... when the instructions said "do not thaw before cooking".

Grated some lemon rind for a carrot cake... didn't wash the lemon .

Disobeyed the 3-second rule... left dropped chocolate on the floor for 5 whole seconds.

Is a 'foodie' living in Australia... hates the term 'foodie', doesn't own a single Margaret Fulton cookbook.

Bit down into a rock-hard icy pole... has fillings in both front teeth.

Cut tomatoes... which had been kept in the fridge, with a chef's knife that hasn't been sharpened for months.

Used a teaspoon measure for salt... tapped it on the bench and put it straight back in the drawer.

Met Anthony Bourdain...... didn't blog about it.

Ate freshly microwaved popcorn... immediately.

Bought steak for tartare... from the supermarket, not the butcher.

Has food blog... uses cameraphone only.

Eats noodle soup... never with chopsticks (the payload is better with a fork and spoon, why go through the pain?)

Recipe calls for a teaspoon of chopped parsley to garnish... it's just stupid garnish, okay?  I refuse to buy an entire bunch for a single damn recipe because that s**t is not a real vegetable and redemption does not come in the form of tiny green flecks.  If you really want to taste parsley then go make tabbouleh okay? Rant over.

Thinks cupcakes are just fine... really believes they're just small muffins in drag with massive self-esteem issues.

Really loves her pet rabbits... but knows which one is large-saucepan-size (Lulu, although she used to be medium-saucepan-sized) and which is stockpot-sized (Tifa, she was always the bigger one) in case of sudden apocalypse. 

Loves her pet cat... but yeah, if it came down to it would probably eat him too.

Loves her boyfriend... you can guess the rest.

Image from areyouwritingthisalldown

1 comment:

  1. This is awesome! I love TNG (the show actually inspired my search) and low and behold I found Aunt Adele's recipe. It looks delicious, I can't wait to try it (I'll be using a little of Guinan's secret stash- no synthehol for me). Thanks for putting this out there!